HITTING ROCK BOTTOM
The luxury apartment that I was still tied into that was crippling me with its expensive lease that I could no longer afford, was in the best part of town right next to the Sea Gardens but I pedaled as if I could not get there fast enough.
‘I’ll show her. I don’t care what happens to me, I’ll probably be dead tomorrow anyway. This time she’s going to pay for everything she’s done to me’, I thought as I glanced over my shoulder relieved that I had outran the death squad that she had sent to ambush me. My head was still throbbing due to whatever it was they swung at me as I sped away on my $5,000 carbon fiber bicycle, one of the last vestiges of the riches that I possessed a short 12 months ago.
It’s one thing to stand me up….again, to break a promise…again, to leave me struggling with overcoming meth by myself..again, but it becomes a completely different level of evil to try to have your boyfriend KILLED!!
I was beginning to see that the more I tried to improve my life, the more Angel sabotaged it. Didn’t she want me to get clean? Didn’t she want me to be drug free? Didn’t she understand that it was the drugs that had ruined everything that we had? Didn’t she want everything to get good again?
One part of my mind was seeing her standing before me; her big brown eyes glazed over with tears as she swore she loved me and would be there for me, telling me she knew I could get off the “sniff” and would be there for me every step of the way. Yet another part of my mind could not stop mentally reading over and over a text she sent from last week: I’m going to have you KILLED. I’m going to have them bring me your body!! Do you know why?? So I can see YOUR CORPSE!
Long black tire marks announced my arrival at the bar but I could not see clearly, my eyes were not focusing. The image swam in and out of focus and I felt faint. The bar was a round circular structure made of wood almost 15’ in diameter with a conical roof. There were picnic tables fanning out from the building like the spokes of a wheel from the hub. The tables were standard picnic tables designed with your standard bench at each side. On top of each table there was a large square commercial parasol with the name of a beer brand on it – Kaminitzer. Today the place was packed as usual.
I went around to the far side of the outside bar but no Angel. My hands were shaking from the vast surge of adrenalin that comes from out running death, combined with meth withdrawal. She would not be difficult to find, thanks to the Find My Friends App that was installed on my IPhone. I stabbed the phone into life and the blue dot that was Angel relocated to the center of the screen, next to it a green dot that was me – they were touching each other in a sarcastic gesture of lovingness.
When I first left the apartment I had one goal in mind, to get in her face in front of all of her friends and expose her for the evil person that she is. I wanted the world to know that this person, this outer shell of a person that appears so attractive, so alluring, sensual and sweet was pure poison within.
I knew deep down no one would believe me, not even with all the proof in the world to expose her cunning wickedness. Especially since Angel could set matters straight with one single, well-crafted sentence, one pathological lie, delivered with such calculated perfection, everyone would not only believe her, but they would defend her until the end. They would simply view me as the rich boyfriend who had gone a bit weird after his business failed. Then they would praise, yes praise her, for having stuck by me being the loyal, dedicated and loving person she is. They would whisper to one another that they knew she could dump me and have any man in the city, but she would never do that, no Angel was above such crude behavior. They held Angel up on a pedestal. Angel was what none of those girls could be, Angel was a malignant narcissist.
I didn’t care if they believed me or not. Angel would hate it, she would hate every second of the public disparagement and that alone was enough for me. But somewhere between having to wait 2 hours for her, only to have her stand me up once again, to almost getting my head bashed in by people she no doubt had sent to kill me, blurred that original goal. But now, as I turned around and my eyes fell on her, I knew exactly what was going to happen.
When my eyes fell upon her she was standing there waving at me, smiling as if NOTHING was amiss. She just tried to have me KILLED and she is waving as if NOTHING in the world was wrong. Anger that I had never encountered before enveloped my mind, my body and my sole and I felt it turn to something very dark, black and evil. It turned to hatred at that very moment, with her standing before me smiling innocently and it was fueled by every despicable act of terror, every second of torture, every stab of pain that I had endured these last three years that I had been in a relationship with her and it was going to extract its revenge – it was going to have me kill Angel; right then and there.
When I got to her I still had the bike with me, I threw the $5000 cycle on the floor and walked over. Her smile slowly faded as she read my expression. She knew I had finally snapped, just like her last boyfriend. She was very well aware, as I was approaching, that if she stood there for another second my hands would be wrapped around her throat, squeezing the life out of her, and she was right. She leaped like a cat, with astonishing speed and agility to the back of the bench seat and crouched down behind it.
They say before you die your whole life flashes through your mind. While I cannot attest to the truth of that, I can say that before you take someone’s life, the whole life you shared together flashes through your mind so vividly it’s as if your mind is playing it back in slow motion.
As my arm came back, my hand forming a fist, I could see her before me the very first day we met, dressed comically in her promo girl outfit portraying a fairy. My knuckles came down hard on the back of her head, raining down blow after blow as my mind tortured me with memories. I remembered our first dinner together, bam. My top ten funniest moments with Angel came to mind as I continued to slam my fist into her as she scrambled away along the back of the bench. When she rounded the end of the bench I was there waiting for her. My mind took me through my top 10 most amazing sexual experiences, all involving Angel, bam. She reflexively shot backwards along the bench seat and I went after her, trapped between the bench back and the table and I was forced no kneel on the bench. I remembered climbing out of a body bag for her and I swung harder, Angel was slower, and she was falling backwards. I realized at that moment that since she had no doubt arranged for the attack on my life today, that the body bag incident that I thought I was going through in order to save her, help her, was probably something she had arranged to dispose of me. I could see nothing; feel nothing but evil rage ripping through every part of my body. I made a lunge forward to grab her and my knee landed on her chest. To this day I can hear the sound of bones breaking as two of her ribs cracked under the weight of my knee.
The next thing I knew I was in bed, my eyes red and swollen from the uncontrollable sobbing. I was crying like I had never cried before, my whole body shaking with emotion. Visions of the attack came in small spirts in my mind but as I glanced at my hands and around my room I wondered if I had been hallucinating; there was no bruising on my hands, my bike was neatly placed in the corner with the kickstand holding it up. Yes, I was hallucinating, thank God. This had to be a hallucination from meth withdrawal causing me to imagine that I had attacked the single thing I loved most in this world!
Feeling relieved that I had not given in to the withdrawal and wanting to share this with Angel, I dialed her number and was so happy to hear the sound of her voice.
“Thank God you’re alright, thank God,” my voice was trembling and full of sincerity. “I just had the most horrible, awful hallucination that I…”
She interrupted me in a voice completely devoid of any emotion.
“It was not a hallucination, you did it. You broke 2 of my ribs and cracked a third. You broke my finger and I have bruising all down the side of my head and the back of my head. Now don’t ever, as long as you live, contact me again.”