Preface: At the time of meeting my narcissistic partner I was the owner of a $2+ million turn over business selling cosmetics on Amazon; Id started the business 4 years previously with zero capitol. It was the latest in a long line of business startups over a 25 year period, in other words I was experienced in running businesses.
I met my narcissistic partner when she came for a job interview for a particularly challenging job – this task required extremely good analytical skills and mathematical modelling skills. She was by a long way the only applicant with the intelligence and skills needed to do the job. After three weeks we were dating and I felt I had to move her out of the job – it being inappropriate to be dating one of my employees. It made no difference to her financially, she was dating “the boss” and I was making a ton of money. But instead of enjoying a life of leisure and luxury she kept “inserting” herself back into the business.
My office was in a separate building and she subtly engineered herself a position as unofficial “liaison” between me and my staff.
Suddenly my previously pretty robust and dedicated staff started making stupid mistakes – some of these mistakes had the potential to cause significant problems or losses for the company and some DID cause huge losses for the company. When challenged over the issue the employee in question would deny involvement but the evidence suggested otherwise and staff were reprimanded or even fired over the incidents.
Finding good English speaking staff in Bulgaria is not easy – but my wonderful, highly intelligent, fluent English speaking new girlfriend was always by my side to help out and she “temporarily” filled the roles of the growing number of missing employees.
Time revealed SHE, my girlfriend, was actually sabotaging the work of the employees and fabricating the evidence – which SHE was bringing to me having “discovered”. This enabled her to take over several key roles in the company making her indispensable. She happily destroyed the lives and careers of several people to achieve that simple aim.
The next problem, she wanted the prestige of doing all these jobs, she wanted the “locked in” element but she did not actually want the hassle of DOING the jobs. And she was now back in the main office – a location from which she could wreak havoc. And that is exactly what she did, but being a master manipulator it was never HER, it was always one of the remaining employees that would kick off over something and usually something seemingly not directly involving my girlfriend. However the grand unifying feature of every bit of chaos was that “THAT” was the reason preventing HER from doing her job that day.
Suddenly a dynamic well run company that had doubled its turn over every 9 months was having to re-trench and consolidate, close down foreign markets, close down product lines, subcontract work previously done in house as more and more time was spent firefighting problems and catastrophes.
By now I was working 18 or 20 hours a day 7 days a week to keep ontop of things – but as always my girlfriend was there by my side to help me, this time with amphetamines “just to help you get through this tough patch”, then as the amphetamines started to take there tole and cause shaking etc she was there agin at my side to help me, this time with a chilled glass of white wine – “just to take the edge off the shakes so your employees don’t see it and ask questions”.
As the employees dwindles so did the opportunity to blame others for her mistakes and coverups became necessary. We needed to send regular shipments of one large box a week to Amazon in the UK from the office in Bulgaria – this cost about $50. My girlfriend had all week to ring TNT and organize the pick up, by 6.00pm on Friday she realised she had not done it, despite the reminders. Knowing Id be upset her solution was? – Well she hired a private Lear Jet to fly the package to the UK. She ordered a private jet to fly to fly a cardboard box to the UK! $7,000! SHE SPENT $7000 to cover up a small mistake rather than be found out. She was found out anyway because my bank called me about the unusual expense on my debit card. But she still argued for 10 hours about being in the right.
Around this time and out of desperation to try and get a handle on where all this utter catastrophe and chaos was coming from I had all offices and even the house fitted with CCTV cameras.
One of our ever increasing problems were the number of packages not being delivered – they were getting dispatched but not arriving. The CCTV showed that my girlfriend was going onto the Amazon system, printing off all the orders before the staff arrived, shredding the time consuming ones and then marking those orders as despatched – no one knew those orders ever existed. When confronted with the CCTV footage of her clearly shredding orders just printed she said she had loaded the paper the wrong way, when asked about going back into the system and marking the orders completed – she was double checking she’d reprinted the correct ones, when asked why the number of orders dispatched did not equal the number received – we were unexpectedly out of stock of something. There was ALWAYS a reason, no matter how flimsy. You could clearly see her, she could clearly see her, in HD, on a 40” LED TV, doing exactly what she was denying doing and offering a ridicules feeble explanation – but never once did she back down on any issue.
Eventually we had no staff just me and her and you would think at that point she would buckle down and just do what was by now a simple job – the company was only turning over $250k at this point – but no, her best ever passing of the buck was to blame the collapse of the business on the dog – “if YOU did not have to walk that dog 3 times a day you would have had the time to run your business properly”.
In joint first place was “Its YOUR fault your company failed – you know what they say “Dont become a PUSSY over pussy!” – you should never have let me do any of those things!” That is as close to an admission of responsibility as we ever got in the 3 years.
One of her more outrageous actions was forging my signature an a load of government health and safety documents and employment legislation documents. A not surprisingly disgruntled ex employee reported us for numerous alleged violations – to hide the incident she contracted a company to do a full investigation of the issues and implement any necessary work / actions but the forms needed to be sent to the government with my signature – not a problem, just forge his signature. That worked great until the Regional Director Of Employment Services telephoned me asking me to meeting at his office to publicly congratulate me on getting a perfect 100/100 score on my recent audit, complete with photographers and press! What ***** audit????
Another time I was contacted by the Food and Drugs Administration in America with a polite request to immediately stop selling unlicensed drugs to the US population or they would extradite me to the US to stand trial. Upon asking the employee responsible for checking the ingredients on the cosmetics we sold were NOT on the FDA restricted list, what the **** was going on, I was told that she had received a memo, via my girlfriend, that we no longer needed to do these time consuming checks. The manufactures now did them. That caused an instant shut down of the sale of all products into the U.S.A. – the single most profitable market – until we OK’d every one of the 1850 products manually; a task that was never completed.
My girlfriend never made a single penny personally from the destruction of my company, she consciously gave up a life of idle luxury (I earned 40 x the national average for Bulgaria, I had a chauffeur driven S500 Mercedes, Cleaners, Cook, huge apartment overlooking the Sea Gardens and beach, a private suite at a 5* hotel, there was nothing I wanted I could not afford. I was negotiating on a Bentley Arnage when I met her). She gave that up in order to insinuate her way into my company to aggrandize herself. To feel important and be important but without the willingness to do that actual hard work involved.
Even when she could see her actions were destroying the very thing that brought her the resources to be the envy of every girl in the city she was unable to stop. Why?? Because her actions also destroyed me. Ultimately her need for narcissistic supply was grater than her need for money or prestige or admiration or love.